No Regrets
by redwall64
Summary: After months of talk and Kit's attempts of putting it off, Ty asks Kit to finally be his parabatai.
1. Just Love

A/N: I have my theories, of course, about how things could go in and after QoAaD, and this is a fanfic for "after" my QoAaD theory (it's not my actual theory for post-QoAaD/pre-TWP though, so it's just an AU fic by the end of this, nothing leading up to TWP because we don't really have much on the plot of TWP). I don't have too many theories about who lives or dies in it though and I'm not really sure and really the thought of establishing that someone's dead (except maybe the Dearborns, Manuel, the Larkspears, and the Cohort fascists in general) is sad, so I won't go into detail about it (except that Jules, Emma, and the rest of the Blackthorns live, and I refuse to consider that any of the TMI main crew would die, not now and not 'til after the end of the series), and I don't think it's necessary for this fic. Hope you guys like. Comments very welcome!

* * *

 _I might be wrong to feel this way_

 _The way you make me feel alive_

 _I want this love._

 _It wasn't typical._

 _I've seen it all, you might not wanna know about it. Like I'm a criminal._

 _When I was cynical, I never thought I'd feel this way when I'm without it_

 _But when you're not here I know._

 _I've been a victim of emotion. I saw a side I never meant to see_

 _I'm gonna say it if you don't know._

 _You are everything to me_

"Let's do it now," Ty said suddenly, putting his pen down on the table.

"What?" Kit looked up in surprise, and fear, having an idea what Ty meant.

"Let's officially put in our request to be _parabatai,_ " Ty said firmly.

Kit fumbled with his words and pretended to be busy, avoiding Ty's intense, stormy eyes. "Ty, maybe we should think about this..."

"This could be our last chance, Kit. We're going to be separated if we don't do this! We can't be Sherlock and Watson apart, we—"

"I don't want this, Ty!" Kit shouted, though he hadn't planned on shouting. All his frustration and worry about how he was going to tell Ty had pent up in him for weeks, and here it was. Ty was stunned to silence, and Kit was afraid to look. When he did, he saw Ty staring at him, his mouth half-open, his expression beyond the hurt unreadable.

"Wh—What? But I thought..."

"I'm sorry. If that sounded like I meant I didn't want to be with you Ty, but that's not what I mean. I just. I don't think we should be _parabatai_." Kit tried to soften his tone, but he was shaking.

"You—" Ty looked so hurt, his voice soft. "You said you were on board... Why would you lie..."

"Because you were grieving, Ty. I thought that you'd realize that you didn't want it over time," Kit whispered, his voice still straining over this dry throat.

"But I do want it. Kit, we need to if we're to stay together—"

"You're desperate, Ty," Kit explained, and Ty's eyes grew. It was probably the wrong choice of words, but Kit stuck by it now. He had to, if he was to make Ty understand. "Desperate after what happened to Livvy, like you can't lose anyone else. But Ty, when you're grieving and desperate and angry, you can't make hasty decisions like this because you could regret it. And Ty—" Kit reached over and moved to touch Ty's hand, but stopped and hovered over Ty's fist on the desk instead, waiting for his permission. Ty stared at them, then at Kit, and nodded slightly, and so Kit took Ty's hand and held it between his own. "Ty, you will not lose me. You don't need to make me your _parabatai_ to ensure that."

"How can you be sure... speak so finally about something you don't know—" Ty gritted through his teeth, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to process it.

"I know because it's what I want. What I do know I don't want is to be tied down to you in..." Kit hesitated, but knew he had to continue lest Ty misunderstand. "I don't want to be tied to you, so permanently, in just one way."

"What are you talking about?" Ty looked at him incredulously. Kit scanned his eyes, hoping to will him into understanding without having to say why he really didn't want this. It had taken him so long to realize and accept it, and to understand its implications and what it could do to their friendship, and now here they were...

"Ty, you didn't want a _parabatai_ , you never did. You wanted to be _parabatai_ with Livvy, for her. But not me. You want this because you weren't able to give this to her—"

"I want this because this will keep us together! Kit!" Ty seemed to explode. He pulled his hand away and pushed off his chair from the desk. He walked away, towards the window.

"There are other ways, Ty. But we shouldn't resort to something so... so... permanent." Kit rose from his chair but kept a careful distance.

"So that's just it? You don't want to be tied to me permanently? What happened to you'll always be with me? To—"

"Stop putting words in my mouth, Ty!"

"That's exactly what you said!"

Kit rushed forward then and gripped Ty's shoulders. "Ty! I just don't want either of us to regret this, okay? I mean... look at Jules and Emma." Kit loosened his grip, wanting to calm the confrontation. Ty just stared at him, his eyes still furious. He definitely wasn't going to make this easy for Kit. "They made the decision to be _parabatai_ when they were twelve. And they've regretted it since. I don't want the time to come when I regret this and become desperate enough to... to even consider what they just did.

"I just got this, Ty." Kit let go of Ty, who dropped back a few steps, and motioned to the world around him. "I've just started to accept and come to terms with this new life, and I've lost everything else—my old life, my dad, my home, and my mom now—and... and I can't lose this, too." Kit took a step forward and hesitated. "I can't lose you, too..."

Ty eyebrows twitched as he tried to think, as his mind ran a thousand miles to think of a way to respond. "Wh... What does... Kit... Kit, if we don't do this, you do lose me. The Clave will send us apart, they'll —"

"I won't let them, Ty. I'll go where you're sent, I'll fight them if I have to—"

"You can't, Kit! You've seen what they're like, they won't give us a choice! They'll send us away, separate us—"

"Then fine, we'll get separated!" Kit interrupted. "We'll stay in contact, then once we're of age and do have the choice, we can come back and find each other and—"

Ty didn't want that. He couldn't risk it. Risk the years apart, the years of uncertainty, and the years spent apart during which Kit could forget him or change and become someone unrecognizable and despicable. Like them.

"We'll lose, Kit! We'll never be the same again, unless we make the same choice Jules and Emma did years ago, to be _parabatai_ so they could stay together, which, by the way has nothing to do with this! This is so simple, Kit! We become partners, in battle, in training, that's all! I won't bother you if that's what you want!" Ty broke away from their space and put some feet of distsnce between them. "But I need a friend more than anything right now, Kit, and right now, you're all I've got..." Ty's voice broke. "We won't regret this Kit, please. Jules and Emma only regretted this and did what they did because they fell in love and—"

" _I_ love you, Ty..." Kit blurted out, in what started as a shout and ended in barely a whisper. "I have feelings for you." He looked down, unable to look at Ty now, couldn't bring himself to know what Ty's face was like right now, now that he finally said something that got him to go this quiet. "I may not be _in_ love you, completely, I may not be there yet... But I know that if..." Kit stuttered, swallowed, and continued, "If we stay together, and are _parabatai_ , it'll only get worse for me...

"I don't know if this is... hard... for you to grasp. Love. And the idea that I — that someone, anyone — could be so unwilling to risk not getting a chance, or even a choice, about who to love, or that I would never even consider being your _parabatai_ because it would mean that I can't love you, but that's how it is, Ty..." He looked up then, and Ty was just staring. Staring at him, with a blank, surprised expression, with his blank stare, his drooping eyes as he stared distantly into Kit's head, and his half-open mouth.

"That's how it is, you... You don't get a choice about whether you can turn your back on those feelings or not, it's not that simple, and it's like the only way you can let go of that feeling is if you can forget and remove and have them out of your life, but you can't and somehow that's worse. And I'd rather be friends with you, Ty, together or apart, than be with you and have to lie to you and to everyone and myself, fool myself into thinking I'm okay or that I don't love you every... single... day.

"Emma was right, Ty. I can't. I won't. I won't make the same mistake she did. I'm saying no." Kit stepped back, and watched Ty do the same. "No. I do not want... to be your _parabatai_ , Ty."

And they left then. Walked away, took their separate ways, and for the first time, Kit took up Jace's offer and slept at the Herondale manor. Kit appreciated Jace's respect, that he didn't prod even though Kit obviously had a problem.

Ty was right. The Clave did separate them. Despite the attempts of intervening Jace and Clary and Alec and Jem and Jia and some others made, they were inevitably separated.

Ty was right. He couldn't have fought for it, no matter how much he wanted.

Ty didn't even try.

Ty didn't say goodbye.

The Blackthorns ended up at the Brisbane Insitute.

In a way, Kit was just happy for him. That he was with his family, with Helen, Dru, Tavvy, and Mark. That Ty would probably love the wildlife in Australia.

He hoped that the people at the Institute would be kind to him. Would let him practice only when he wanted to, would let him fiddle with his tools during dinner. That they would be understanding if sometimes, Ty snuck in some of the animals that would come to him whenever he was outside. Hoped against hope that Ty didn't hate him, and wouldn't forget him.

But most of all he just hoped that Ty would find a way to be happy.

Meanwhile, though the Clave didn't listen to Jace's requests that Kit and Ty stay together, they approved his request to take in Kit as a ward at the New York Institute. Jace tried very hard to make him feel at home, to give him a big brother he never knew he wanted—and sometimes didn't, whenever he would get overbearing. Clary was sweet though, and maybe if she was a bit younger and wasn't so interested only in Jace, he would have made a move.

Maybe if he wasn't still hung up on Ty.

It would be three years before he saw Ty again.

He was in Idris, because at eighteen, Kit still hadn't decided where to go for his travel year, and so he was still at the Institute. When Jace suddenly needed something delivered to and picked up from Alicante but couldn't find the time between all his meetings and missions and classes, Kit volunteered.

He was at the Square when he saw him. He was standing on a table for a peace rally he'd decided to join when he caught sight of him.

Ty, in gear, walking past with a large group of other Shadowhunters making their way to the Gard.

Ty had become a Centurion.

Kit's words died in his throat as he watched and stared as Ty got closer, watched Ty's eyes catch his and his mouth open slightly in surprise. Kit felt his world slow. _It was Ty. Ty was here! He was fine, and he looked good and fine, and he was okay, and he became a Centurion._ Ty's pace seemed to slow, too, almost stopped but the movement behind him pushed him along. Ty's eyes fell to the ground briefly, then rose again to meet Kit's, then scanned the surroundings, saw the placard and the fliers in his hands and at their feet, until another Centurion bumped into him accidentally, tearing Ty's attention away. Ty looked down and seemed to catch his breath, before going on his way, shooting Kit one last glance before he walked away.

Kit's world returned to normal once Ty was gone from his view, and Kit realized that he was craning his neck, hoping to keep Ty in his sights for as long as possible.

Ty was fine. He seemed more than fine. And if his reaction was any indication, he hasn't forgotten about him.

He wanted more than anything to see him again. To talk to him and catch up and ask how he's been.

But he knew that he couldn't, not unless Ty wanted it, too. But Kit wondered if for once he should just do what he wanted and confronted Ty. He wondered...

But he's seen him. After three years, he's finally seen him, and he was doing well. And maybe, for now, that was good enough for him.

* * *

This was intended to be a one-shot, just a "What would happen..." kind of short story, and so I left this ending pretty open to interpretation to what could happen next...

BUT I do have an image of 18, 19-year-old Kitty after this and I'm open to continuing it. But for now, this will just be one-shot. I might work on it eventually just in case, and if I see that there's enough interest for it, I might continue. (Honestly, it kind of feels like a responsibility now, because it feels like that ending was sad? I definitely didn't mean to do that when I started it. And BTW, 18-year-old Kit & Ty are HAWT. Kit's wearing a sleeveless leather jacket when I imagined him here. Gosh.)

Thanks for reading! Leave a comment below if you would be so kind and feed this starving soul. (And point out any mistakes while I can edit it ahhhh, I don't have a proofreader and I kind of only checked this once or twice after writing it in a rush last night after reading and almost crying over the QoAaD chapter sampler.)

P.S. The song's Everything to Me by Great Good Fine OK, which I found while looking for songs about not wanting to regret. There wasn't much haha.


	2. Change on Me

Kit and Ty almost get into a fight.

* * *

Kit hasn't been to Idris in three years. He'd largely avoided it, the memory of what happened here still fresh in his mind. But now he was back. He had zero expectations nor plans or any true reason to come.

He was here mainly on assignment. He volunteered to help out when Jace suddenly needed to personally select a new batch of weapons for training, after their last set melted in demon goo, in a particularly daring training exercise that Clary was vehemently against. Jace chalked it up as a lesson for the kids, and that their weapons getting dropped by their clumsy new recruit while being chased by a horde of amphisbaena demons was an unforeseen accident. And Jace and Clary were occupied and wouldn't have time until at least next week to come and were about to call on one of the Conclave members for the favor before Kit got a wind of it and volunteered.

The would-be Mr. and Mrs. Herondale looked at each other when Kit told them that he wanted to go to Idris. He knew what they were thinking, but didn't say it. Kit was glad that they trusted him and his judgment enough to let him.

Kit contacted Oliver Lindquist before he took the Portal to Alicante.

Oliver was one of the Shadowhunters Kit trained with at the Institute, but after a year, he'd moved back to Idris to take care of his mother. Oliver was one of the few Shadowhunters he met during his first year at the Institute that was just good from the beginning. He didn't just accept everyone else's crap and spoke up, and that was just what Kit needed for his faith in Shadowhunters to be restored.

There was a sudden influx of Shadowhunters who went to live in New York when it got out that Jace was going to start personally training the children of the New York Conclave members, and who would want to miss out on the opportunity to have their children trained under the infamous Jace Herondale?

And so Kit was stuck training with them. The children were easy enough to teach proper manners, but the ones who were already grown... many of them weren't very agreeable. They had a lot to say about Downworlders and mundanes and the Shadowhunters who had anything to do with them; others claimed to not care, but their small, seemingly casual comments said otherwise; some had nothing to say and let the others say whatever they wanted. Kit and Ollie, however, wouldn't stand for it, and so they went out of their way and worked to change them—change the Shadowhunters—one classroom at a time. They'd embarrassed themselves in the beginning to do it, but they didn't care. They had some help, found it in a Recruiter named Simon—Clary's _parabatai_ and Isabelle's husband—and slowly but surely, they made progress and eventually made decent human beings of their classmates.

Ollie continued the movement in Idris when he came home. It had been two years, but the whole thing still proved difficult. Kids you train with were easier to sway, because they had no choice but to listen. But people in a city, in a country, were more inclined to ignore your pleas.

His arrival was at the best possible time, according to Ollie, who invited Kit to join the rally the following morning. Having a Herondale as the face of the rally would make waves. Kit agreed and told Jace and Clary through a quick fire-message.

Kit looked in the mirror as he buttoned up his jacket. The remnants of a small fire on the wall behind sparked a memory, and he laughed silently.

His phone had very poor reception in the Institute, so one of the first things he asked Jace to teach him was how to send fire-messages. Once he learned how to do it without just burning the paper or his hand, he immediately began writing to the Blackthorns. He tried to stay in contact with them during their first year apart, and even with Emma at Wrangel Island, and Cristina and Mark who were at the Institute in Mexico City before they moved, together, to join the Blackthorns in Australia.

He spoke regularly with Dru, mostly. Sometimes, he'd get notes scribbled by a child's handwriting—apparently, Tavvy wanted to write to Kit how much he missed eating waffles with him—or a note that had one sentence or a word in it, written in neat, small writing—Kieran, who was being sweet in his own way.

He never heard from Ty, and after Kit's first message went unanswered, Kit was just scared to try again.

Kit's face turned somber at the thought of Ty. Kit fixed his collar, sighed, and went on his way.

He and Ollie were joined by a number of other supporters of the movement, which Kit didn't know to expect and was definitely a pleasant surprise. But they were right. They got some attention whenever people noticed who he was. Some actually stayed to listen to his sermons.

"Downworlders are humans, too! Even the angels have acknowledged this fact," Kit shouted as he reached out to hand out flyers to the passersby. Some took the flyers, others shoved past.

But he was distracted now. Since seeing Ty, Kit found himself stumbling over his words, or saying random, memorized chants that seemed to stop making sense at one point. He had to focus and physically shake himself out of his reverie. In an effort to wake himself up, he shook his body as if warming up, then jumped up onto a platform and continued his speech with renewed vigor.

"Downworlders are humans, too! We've lived among them for centuries, and some of them have lived for centuries themselves, and they've shown time and time again that they can live in peace. It's up to us to treat them fairly. The mistake of one, or two individuals, or even one faction, should not define them all," he told those at the square. His position atop the platform and the return of the life in his voice drew some attention. Those who were sitting even at the other end of the plaza looked up and listened.

One of the passersby, a man who looked to be in his early or mid-20s, walked up to him, holding a flyer in his hand. "Downworlder rights?" he scoffed. "Rights? Seriously? What right did they have to join that damn Morgenstern and attack our home? Did they think that was within their rights granted to them by the Accords? Because that's what giving them rights has gotten us so far." He said it in a matter-of-fact tone that just... _triggered_ Kit into defense.

"As opposed to what, taking their rights away from them entirely? What right do _we_ have to do such a thing?" Kit retorted.

"It's our right as the caretakers of this world," he shot back.

"Oh yeah? And you think the Downworlders have no contribution whatsoever to that? You think we could have survived the Mortal War—which, by the way, a Shadowhunter started—and countless other battles without the help of Downworlders?" If people's attention weren't on Kit before, it was now. "You really think ostracizing the Downworlders will make this world just... _grand_? Well guess what... you did! Eight years ago. How well did that work out, huh? Did you think the Cold Peace fixed anything? You don't _see_ that this world just turns to _shit_ ," Kit spat out, "every time a Shadowhunter thinks they're better off in a world with no Downworlders or one where they're suppressed."

The man didn't seem to have an answer to that. But like most bigots, he found something else to attack about him, so he sneered and said, "Spoken like a true... fake Shadowhunter. You talk about Shadowhunters like you aren't one. You should have stayed at the Shadow Market, boy!"

Kit smiled and absentmindedly shuffled his flyers. "Maybe. At least at the Shadow Market, the hagglers actually made sense."

The man's eyes sparked with anger. Maybe Kit should've just let go, but he couldn't. Since becoming a Shadowhunter, Kit found himself never wanting to back down from anything. Kit looked back at the man who looked ready to charge him. Ollie and another activist stood between them, but before the man could come closer, a figure wearing gear and a dark crimson jacket pushed past him, shoving his shoulder, to stand between them.

"The hell—" The man was about to divert his anger to the intruder until he looked down and noticed his gear. "C.. Centurion..."

The intruder cocked his head to the side, as if he was bored. Oliver and his friend backed away, and Kit got a good look at his savior. First at the pattern of thorns on the back of his jacket, then his trademark, curly black hair that was trimmed down to its roots in the back but exploded into a well-maintained mess at the top of his head. "Move along," he said in a voice that wasn't familiar to Kit. "This is a peaceful rally. You're not allowed to intrude, but neither I nor them..." he nodded his head towards him, Oliver, and the other supporters who'd gathered around Kit, "are forbidden from fighting back. Your choice." He could hear the smile in Ty's threats.

The man backed down but kept his eyes level with Ty, before diverting his stare of deep hatred back towards Kit. "You should have stayed a mundie. You bring shame to the Herondale name."

The man turned, and again, he was met by another Shadowhunter who walked into his path.

Kit hadn't noticed his arrival, but was grateful for it momentarily when the man jumped in surprise at the sight of Jace Herondale in front of him.

"Really?" Jace asked the man, calmly, his fingers laced together at the back of his head. Kit has been around Jace enough to know that the tone he was using was a facade, that underneath that calm, a storm was broiling. Jace took a step forward, and the man stepped back. He was almost the same height as Jace, if not slightly taller, but Jace's presence was imposing that the man seemed to slouch to look up to him, and he just recoiled without Jace even doing anything. "I mean..." Jace shrugged and took a step to the left, and this time, when the boy took a step away from him, he stumbled back against a stool and almost fell. "I'm a Herondale. Through and through. And I don't think he's brought shame to my family's name. I'm a Herondale, so I can say that. The question is..." Jace dropped his hands and straightened up to look down at him. "Who are you? ... To say that Christopher Herondale doesn't deserve to be a Shadowhunter or a Herondale?"

"No.. nothing. No one, I'm sorry," he muttered to Jace under his breath.

Jace laughs. "Why are you apologizing to me?" Jace backs away, his hands out in question, then he looked from the dissident then up to Kit, who was still standing on the table. The man took a deep sigh and clenched his jaw, giving a quick shake of his head. Jace tipped his head slightly and leaned in, as if to let him whisper in his ear, and looked at him incredulously. "I'm sorry, what?!" Jace roared.

The boy recoils and shouts "I'm sorry!" defiantly, only sparing Kit a quick glance before running off.

Jace mumbled something under his breath, shaking his head as he watched him go. "These fools think they get braver and braver but..."

"What are you doing here, Jace?" Kit threw his arms up. "I said I'd take care of this."

"What? Oh, right!" Jace laughed. "Oh no, no." Jace walked up to him, and passed _right through_ Ty, who'd still been standing some feet away from Kit, and both Kit and Ty's eyes briefly widened, before Jace stopped in front of Kit. His image flickered. He was a Projection.

"... Oh. Okay." Kit chuckled and jumped down from the table. He looked behind Jace to Ty and tried to catch his eyes, but Ty turned away from them. "So... why the uh.. astral visit?"

Jace gave him a small smile. "I came to tell you to stay. We're sending Zac over to get the tools. And I can have him bring you a bag of clothes."

"What? Why? I already have them, they're at home—"

"Then he'll meet you there. It's okay, Kit."

"But why? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, not at all, kid, I just... Clary and I decided that you should just rest up there and wait for us."

"Wait... for you? You're coming here? When, why?"

"The Penhallows—" Jace seemed to do a double take and turned to look over his shoulder. "By the Angel.. Ty?"

Ty turned at the mention of his name and gave Jace a small smile. "Hello."

"Wow, I—I'm not actually there but go with this—" Jace reached out and placed his projected hands on Ty's shoulders. Kit chuckled and rolled his eyes at Jace's effort to keep his hand steady so it wouldn't drop into Ty's body. "Wow, you've grown so much. Clary wants to know if you wrestled with crocodiles in Australia to—what?" Jace looked to the side, talking to someone in New York that they weren't seeing. "Oh, I wasn't supposed to actually ask him—oh, okay..." Jace cleared his throat and put his arms down. "Never mind, then."

Jace kept his smile as he inspected Ty's face. Ty, meanwhile, tried to look away, awkwardly avoiding wherever Jace leaned in for a closer look. "Heh," Jace chuckled. "You look just like your brother..."

Kit felt Ty minimally tense, and he wasn't sure if Jace noticed. Kit himself tensed, thinking that Jace was actually talking about Jules so casually. Ty visibly relaxed when Jace added, "Like a dark-haired Mark, back when I gave him my witchlight on the road to Hell. " He turned to the side and asked Clary, "Remember that?" he asked Clary.

Ty smiled. "I don't hear that often."

"That you look like Mark?" Ty nodded in response. "Well, you do. Anyway, is your family in the city?" Ty nodded again, and this time, Jace clapped his hands together, pleased. "Perfect! So yeah," Jace looked back at Kit. "The Penhallows just invited us over for a small gathering. To celebrate Emma."

"Wait... Emma...?" Kit's voice was full of hope, and question, because he didn't want to assume and hope for the impossible. But Jace beamed and Kit just knew. "Oh my God..."

Jace nodded. "I know." He looked to the side and whispered something, likely to Clary, again. "That settles it, then?" he said, turning back to Kit. "Stay, okay? Catch up with your friends—" Jace waved his hand in Ty's direction then turned to him. "Will you look after him for me? I'm worried he'll eat nothing but oatmeal and pancakes while I'm not around."

"Hey!" Kit objected.

But Ty ignored him. "I will," he told Jace. "I'll be sure to have Helen shove four healthy meals in him every day while he's here." Kit's mouth hung open as Jace grinned.

"Attaboy," he moved to pat Ty on the shoulder, seemingly forgetting that he was a Projection, and went "Oops" when his hand fell through. "Well," Jace turned back to Kit, his hands on his waist. "We'll have Zac there in a jiff. He's desperate to make it up for destroying our training weapons in the first place, and no, Clary, I don't _share_ that blame. I... ugh. We'll see you soon, Kit!" The Projection of him cut off mid-wave, leaving Kit to his own devices...

With Ty, who was now standing awkwardly a few feet from where he stood. Ty glanced at him once then looked back at the square, clasping his hands together in front of him. "You seem to be doing well."

Kit didn't note any bitterness in his tone. It was very Ty, an observation. He had lots he wanted to say. _Your voice is deeper. You cut your hair. Your eyes seem different. But you look really good. Really, really good. How are you? Do you still take animals into your Institute?_

He settled with "You, too. And you went to the Scholomance!" Kit waved a hand at his Centurion jacket.

Ty shrugged. "Well, I didn't have a _parabatai_ , and the Cohort side of the Scholomance was gone. Julian wasn't around to stop me, and those were pretty much the only things stopping me. I figured I might as well join." Ty's expression didn't change throughout what he said, though all of it had weight. _Livvy, Jules, Zara and his zealot friends, Diego._ Yet he said it as if he was talking about what classes he was taking.

"Well... at least someone's there to make sure it stays Cohort-free," Kit tried to say nonchalantly. Ty nodded.

There was a beat of silence between them. Ty put his hands in his pocket, deciding to break the silence. "So... You should come by... tonight. Or you know, whenever you want. That's fine," he shrugged.

"Uh.. Oh. Um.. Yeah, that sounds fine... Are — are you sure?"

"'Course," he answered immediately. "And I made Jace a promise, so..." Ty smiled, tried to give the warmest he could muster despite the distance he knew they both felt. "Besides..." Ty rubbed the back of his neck. "You'll always be welcome with the family. You know that." And with that, Ty didn't even have to try to sound sincere. Kit felt that he meant it, and he was right. He knew it. Even if they haven't seen each other in three years.

"Well, I... I should probably get back to work," Ty spoke in a rush.

"Oh, right. Yeah, I'm uh... I'm sorry I took up your time." Kit smiled apologetically.

"Jeez, no. It's fine. I do this all the time, anyway, so it's not you." Ty looked up finally to look a while in Kit's eyes, throwing him off guard. "It was nice seeing you, Kit."

Kit couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face. "You too, Ty. You have no idea..."

And Ty began to walk away. Kit watched him go, but before he could get too far, and just before Kit could leave and continue giving away flyers, Ty turned back around abruptly. "Tonight would be, uh.. A great time. To come over, I mean. Emma's cooking..." Kit stared at him in surprise. "And I think we're expecting Cristina today too. We're staying at the Penhallows', by the way, so... Yeah, bye." And Ty jogged away before Kit could thank him, but he whispered a small "Thank you" anyway, and smiled.

/

"Mom! Uncle Ty won't let me borrow his headphones again!"

"This is the only time I can even have these on nowadays, let me be, you little brat!" Ty stood from the sofa and pushed the girl off by the head.

"Rita... Rita, no..." Helen called halfheartedly, a grin on her face.

"HELEN!" Ty called.

"Ty Ty, you were much, much worse for Mark and me when you were his age," Helen pointed out. Mark looked at her and laughed, nodding in agreement.

"Ty, when you first learned about Raziel and his gifts, you used to say you wanted to eat my stele because it might make you angel enough to meet the Angel," Mark shared, much to the others' pleasure and Ty's chagrin.

Ty made a growling sound. "That was years ago!"

Aline appeared from the kitchen with a tray of cookies. "Rita, leave your uncle alone!" She shot Helen a look when she passed her, and Helen just raised her hands and shrugged, smiling innocently.

"Okay..." Rita jumped down from the sofa dejectedly. Aline offered her a cookie, and just like that, her spirits were lifted.

"Come on everybody, dinner's ready!" Diana called. Ty stood and walked to the dining area, avoiding the children running in circles in the room. He kept his eyes on his phone and paused his playlist, reminding himself that it was disrespectful to have them on at the dinner table. He put the headphones down and let it rest around his neck, and he looked up to find Helen watching him then smile. Ty gave a small smile and sat down.

The others finished setting up the table, and Mark and Helen tried to round up the children. Rafe and Rita ran, and Mark gave up, but Tavvy and Max obediently stood up from their small circle of drawings on the floor and followed Mark silently.

"Oh, um, I forgot to mention," Ty said— _though really, he never forgot—_ when most of the grown-ups were around the table, save for Diana who'd gone to the stereo by the door to play some music. "We might be getting an additional guest tonight..." Ty cleared his throat and ignored the glances they exchanged.

"What guest?"

The doorbell rang just then.

"Another one!?" Max shouted in glee. "I'll get it," he announced, inadvertently starting a race among the children.

"No, I'll get it!"

"No, I will!"

Before they could cross the living room, Diana "tut-tutted" them into obedience. "I'm already here, children, stay in your seats."

A collective "Okay..." was heard from the children. Ty looked anxiously at the door as Diana pulled it open. When she gasped and hugged the visitor, he knew who it was. Ty suddenly developed an interest in their cutleries and stared at its design, twirling it in his hand. The others curiously tried to peer over Diana. She pulled away from the hug and they heard a chuckle from the door. "Oh you've grown so much... But!" Diana playfully slapped the visitor's arm, who yelped. "Not a peep from you in three years! Honestly."

"I'm sorry," said that voice that Ty would have recognized anywhere despite the change dealt by puberty. "I did drop by your store this afternoon, and yesterday. You weren't there."

"Aw. Well that's sweet, then. I'm sorry, I've been here all day all weekend. Anyway, it is selfish to keep you to myself." Diana pulled their guest in and stepped aside to close the door behind him. "Everyone... look who it is."

There was a brief moment of shocked silence as everyone tried to register his presence, while Kit nervously stood in the middle of the living room. "Hi," he said, giving a small wave.

"Oh my god — Kit?" Emma asked, dropping the fork in her hand when she stood up suddenly.

Kit shrugged. "I don't get called a god often, but yes to Kit," he joked in response.

"Oh, Kit!" Dru and Tavvy said at the same time, in two very different tones: Dru's was wistful, Tavvy's just excited and surprised. Both stood from their seats and ran over. They jumped at Kit with a hug; without training, he would have stumbled back and fallen. Kit yelped and laughed as he accepted their hugs. Emma, Mark, and Cristina all came to join in, though Mark settled with a pat on Kit's back.

"Ty, Kit's your surprise guest?" exclaimed Emma. Ty could only smile in response through a mouthful of cookies.

Everyone settled in for dinner, with a new spot on the dining table set for Kit next to Tavvy, who pulled him into the seat that was meant for Dru.

"How long have you been in Idris?" asked Diana.

"I actually just got here yesterday. Jace told me to stay 'til they get here."

"Ah, for the dinner," Jia guessed. Kit nodded.

More small talk and questions were directed at Kit, with Tavvy occasionally butting in with questions that range from "Do you still eat waffles?"—because Helen had set a limit for the number of times they can have waffles in a week and Tavvy was _not_ happy about it—to "Can you teach me how to jump on demons for a piggyback?"

Ty thought that he mostly avoided looking at Kit. But he realized that he was staring whenever Kit spoke, because Kit would catch him every time. Ty always looked away immediately.

Shortly after everyone started eating—even Tavvy and Max, who you'd be hard-pressed to convince to eat vegetables, seemed more than eager to show Kit Herondale their broccoli-swallowing skills—a ruckus from above them made everyone jump. In a few moments, their blue-haired faerie friend Kieran appeared at the top of the stairs. "Rough ending tonight, my apologies," he said as he descended and was greeted by most everyone.

Kieran stopped mid-step, his dark eyes on Kit. "Hey! The outcast is here!"

Cristina and Emma reacted at the same time. "Kieran!" "Weasel face!"

But Kit had just smiled, and Kieran walked around the table to stand next to Kit. "What? We're both the outcasts here. Am I right, fair one?" Kieran grinned and bumped fists with a smiling Kit before turning to Diana. "Ah, Diana, Gwyn sends his apologies—"

Diana threw her hands up. "What else is new?"

"I said I was sorry..." spoke a booming voice, from the stairs once again. Diana gasped and stood to hop into Gwyn ap Nudd's open arms.

"I thought you weren't coming," she mumbled into his shoulder before pulling away and slapping his chest lightly, then giving him a light peck on his cheek.

Kieran grinned. "I was about to say that he was sorry for being late. You didn't let me finish," Kieran grinned as he pulled up two chairs for him and Gwyn. Diana's eyes shot daggers at him, before she returned to the table, hand-in-hand with Gwyn. Kieran sat next to Cristina instead of Mark, much to Kit's surprise; though he tried to cloak his surprise, Ty noticed, especially when Mark reached an arm around Cristina's shoulders to place on Kieran's arm, and when Cristina kissed Kieran on the cheek.

"And I apologize to our hosts," Gwyn nodded at Jia and Patrick, both of whom shook their heads with smiles. "We stopped by Tuscany to gather our homecoming gift for young Emma."

"Awwww.." Emma put a hand to her chest then looked expectantly at Gwyn's hand. "... Where is it, though?"

Gwyn smiled. "On the roof, little impatient one."

"Hey, I waited three years for my sentence to get cut, who're you calling impatient?" Emma quipped.

"I have no doubt that you put up a good fight," Gwyn mused as he laid out a napkin over his lap.

There was a beat, and Ty saw Emma's eyes dart around for a second, before she replied. "You'd be surprised, but I actually didn't." Silence hung in the air because most everyone in the room knew what would follow if she could have brought herself to say it: _'I lost the one person I had to fight for.'_

Emma, of course, didn't want the atmosphere to stay depressing, nor have the attention on her, so after downing her drink, she cleared her throat. "Speaking of a fight... What's this I hear about you being in a Downworlder movement, Kit?"

"Really?" Cristina asked, an eyebrow raised, but he saw her break into a grin.

"Yeah," Diana spoke. "How did that come about?"

At that, Kit looked around the room as he chewed, weighing their reactions. They were mostly curious, some proud. Kit gulped down his food shyly, all eyes except those of the kids now on him, and he gave a nervous laugh. He hoped that the silence would allow someone to start a new topic, but no one did, and so Kit realized that he needed to answer. "New York; the influx of Idris kids at the Jace school of privileged kids." He shrugged; they understood.

Jia chuckled. "Alec informed me that Ollie has been trouble since coming back from New York... I suppose we have you to thank for that?"

Kit's eyes grew, just fully realizing what effect he might have had on his friends in New York, and he almost choked on his food. The others who've been in the city for a while and were likely familiar with Ollie laughed.

"Well," Helen began. "For what it's worth, Kit, I very much appreciate what you're trying to do." She gave him a smile and raised a glass to him to drink.

"As do I, little fair one," Kieran agreed. "Although I must say, you don't look so little anymore. Is this what separation does to people?" He casually pointed a finger between Ty and Kit, causing the pair to exchange glances, before quickly, awkwardly, looking away.

Cristina hissed at Kieran and seemed to pinch his leg because Kieran yelped and rubbed at his leg, though he seemingly remained oblivious as to why. She cleared her throat and instead changed the topic. "I _have_ heard all about the legendary Herondales, though. Are you familiar with my cousin, Ricardo? He spend two months in New York last summer—"

"Oh," Kit nodded and swallowed his food. "I trained with him, yeah. He was the kid I taught how to track!"

Cristina smirked. "Yes, him. Oh, he wouldn't stop gushing about you when he got back."

Kit very obviously blushed, though he ducked his head and drank his water in an attempt to hide it. "That wasn't—I didn't have... much to do with anything. I just helped him out for an activity that day."

"Oh, not according to him. He had more to say about you than Jace, to be honest."

"No way," Kit chuckled. "I didn't really even train them, as much as talked to them while Jace made all the moves and—"

"He's so cute, he's being modest," Emma teased.

"I'm not, it — Stop," Kit laughed through his reddening cheeks and neck. Even Ty couldn't help but smile.

"Tell me about it..." Ty said before he could stop himself, curiosity getting the best of him. "Us," he immediately added. "I meant tell us."

Kit looked at him, his expression unreadable. "What about?"

Ty shrugged. "New York. Whatever you've been up to." Ty didn't look at him, only watched his fork twirl about on his plate, before turning back to his own. "Whatever it is you could share."

Kit gave an audible gulp. "Okay. Well, uh..." Kit cleared his throat. "There's not much, but. Hm, where could I start?" Suddenly remembering something, Kit grinned. "I think my first memorable memory in New York, oh god this is... this can be embarrassing," Kit began, shooting off into a narration. Mark, Cristina, Emma, and Diana, even Dru, exchanged glances and smiles as they noticed Ty's eyes inevitably fixate on Kit as he told his story. For the rest of dinner, the group sat around the table before moving onto the couches after everyone was done; more stories were exchanged as Kit's gave way to catching up and pleasant, familiar laughter.

Kit had gone out for some air after Tavvy and Rita were tucked into bed for the night and after saying goodbye to Magnus and Alec when they'd arrived to pick up their children. He was on the Penhallows' porch when he saw Dru sneaking out through her bedroom window past ten. "Where's Ty?" he'd asked suddenly, making Dru jump.

"How long have you been standing there?!" she'd exclaimed. Kit only smirked and asked her again, deciding not to ask Dru where she was headed this late.

Following her advice, Kit looked for him on the roof.

Indeed, Kit found him there, sitting on the edge of the sloped roof on the back end of the house. He had a sunflower in hand, taken from the batch Gwyn and Kieran had brought for Emma, making the side of the roof sloped towards the road look like a small field of sunflowers.

Unsure of what to say, Kit took a deep breath and decided on "What is it with roofs and Shadowhunters?" Ty didn't turn to acknowledge him as he slid down to take the spot next to him, making Kit wonder if maybe he had his headphones on.

He didn't.

When Kit sat down, Ty smiled and answered then. "No one will see you when you jump off a roof—"

Kit's head snapped to him so fast, his mouth open, stuck between surprise and something he might have wanted to say but didn't know exactly what, before Ty, noticing Kit's agitation at his words, hurriedly added, "And live! Jump and live, I mean..."

Kit blinked a couple of times before he gave a nervous laugh. "Uh, well... Yeah, no, I think that's just Jace."

Ty snickered. "You're probably right." After a while, Ty sighed and added, "I don't need my headphones up here, answering Kit's question from earlier.

Kit nodded, understanding.

They sat next to each other in what mostly felt to Kit like comfortable silence. Kit looked out at the rooftops ahead of them, the canals below them and the streets to the left. When he couldn't help it, he would look at Ty, observing. Observing how much he'd changed these past three years. His eyes bigger, his nose higher, his hair shorter, though wilder now than earlier while in his uniform; his lashes longer than before, if that was even possible, his jawline sharper. His lips fuller...

Kit looked away then, wishing he just didn't notice that last part.

He broke the silence first, to quiet his pacing heart. "How are you?" he asked.

It sounded so simple. But beneath it all lied so many emotions, pent up over the years. All the unspoken questions and unsent messages.

"I'm fine?" Ty replied, unsure of what to say.

"You are," Kit accepted, before catching himself. "I mean, yes, I see that, but... how has your life been... these past three years? You're even a Centurion now."

"Centurion in training, still, actually," Ty corrected him. "But yes, I'm graduating. Actually, I _should_ be done by now but I'm being singled out. Everyone knows it, but still..."

Kit's eyes narrowed, he felt his blood broil. "Why?"

Ty noticed his expression and looked away, but Ty smiled. "Don't worry, it's not because they think I'm different, at least not the way everyone feared. I mean sure, that certainly _was_ a problem in the beginning but... Anyway, officially, they're saying it's because I never went to the Academy. But everyone knows it's because I'm the brother of the half-feys Helen and Mark Blackthorn, and of the exile Julian Blackthorn, so..." He ended his statement with a shrug.

Kit blinked. "That's not fair."

Ty scoffed. "The Clave isn't very fair, Kit. Didn't we learn that years ago?"

Kit didn't respond to that. Instead he looked down at his dangling feet before clearing his throat and changing the topic. "What about Brisbane? Did you enjoy the wildlife—"

Ty already had a grin developing on his face, not needing Kit to finish his sentence. "Oh, definitely." The mischievous expression on his face worried Kit, and he said as much.

"Do you know how often I worried that you would mess with the wrong animal outside the Institute and get rabies or something?" Kit told him, his tone half-amused, half-concerned. "And that you'd die because you can't seek treatment at mundane rabies clinics or what..."

Ty laughed, shaking his head. "Oh, I did! I did... get rabies. The bats looked friendly before..." Kit was horrified. Ty quickly swallowed back his laughter, and Kit hoped he'd joined in; maybe he would have laughed longer. "But anyway, we have Silent Brothers for that, so," Ty tapped his chest twice and looked up to meet Kit's gaze. "Still very alive," he said. "If not Silent Brothers, then warlocks or Shadowhunter medics or whatnot." Ty looked back out over the skyline, his eyes scanning everything and nothing in particular. "I stopped sneaking in wild animals into the Institute after that, so that worked out great for Mrs. Featherstone."

"How about them?" Kit asked. "How are they?"

Ty shrugged, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "Not exactly the warmest hosts, but they're good people. They don't push us around, don't think we're less than them. They're fair to Downworlders. But they're wary of our history. They're afraid we'll do something again while under their custody and get them in trouble so they keep a close watch on us. But..." Ty sighed before continuing, fidgeting subconsciously with his gloves. "My siblings have a roof over their heads and we're together, and like I said they're still good, so... can't really complain."

There was a beat. Kit wanted to ask so much more— _How often are you at the Scholomance?_ _How often do you still get to visit them? When did you leave?—_ but he wasn't sure if it was his place.

Ty broke the silence this time.

"If you're so curious about our life in Brisbane... how come you never visited?"

Kit sucked in a breath. He'd waited so long to talk to Ty about this, but now it was here, and he wasn't sure how to respond without messing it all up.

"The Clave, we... we were separated, and I'm not even eighteen yet. Shaky enough ground as it is, I thought if we violated their terms, what if I—we lose all this, too? We've worked so hard, lost too much, just to end up... _not_ being Shadowhunters." Kit sighed. "Also, there's the matter of the tracker on my stele..."

"Yeah," Ty interrupted, chuckling. "The others still have it, too. It's the only reason they haven't visited _you_."

Kit continued. "Maybe I could've found a way around that but I, uh... I also just wasn't sure if you would be okay with me just popping in like that."

Ty turned to him, a look of confusion on his face. "Why would..." He seemed to think better of it, thought of all the reasons Kit could give, of all the things left unsaid between them over the years. "Never mind."

After a pause, Kit turned back to him. "My turn to ask?" asked Kit, looking at Ty tentatively. Ty just shrugged. Kit nodded once, more to convince himself to continue. "Are you really fine with me being here?"

Ty blinked several times, processing the question. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I—You know, with everything that we said, or haven't said in the past couple of years, I was never really sure where we stood. Is it really okay that I'm here again, around you and your family, or are you just being nice?"

"Why would... Is this because of..." Ty stopped mid-sentence and seemed to rethink his words. "Because you think I'm mad that you didn't want to be my _parabatai_?"

Kit looked away then, wondering if Ty thought of the other thing. If he thought ' _because you professed your love for me and I couldn't say it back.'_

Instead, Kit just shrugged. "You never did write back to my letter."

"What letter?"

Kit kicked at the shingles on the roof lightly. "Please don't play dumb, it makes all of this more awkward for me than it already is."

"Kit, you know I would never play dumb. I honestly have no idea what you're talking about," said Ty firmly.

"What are you... The letter, Ty, the one where... I said..." Ty looked at him expectantly and raised his eyebrows further, urging Kit to continue. "I sent it like a month after we were all sent away."

Ty shrugged. "The only letter from you I ever saw were the ones for Dru and the kids." Ty gave a small smile. " _I_ was wondering why you never wrote to me."

Kit stared at him, his mouth open. "How..." Kit looked away and let himself fall backwards onto the roof. "... could I have been so stupid?!" He covered his face with his hands in frustration. "It must have been one of the letters I burned through when I was just getting used to fire messages." Kit sighed and added with a whisper, "Goddamn phones."

Ty looked at him and, after a pause, laughed. The family's affinity for computers was discovered during the turnover of the LA Institute and they were subsequently banned from further use of any gadgets. The Brisbane Institute was particularly strict, and excessively fortified against any outgoing and incoming signals.

They stayed like that for a few moments until Ty broke the silence. "What was in the letter?"

Kit lowered his hands slightly then, peeking up at Ty over his fingers. "W—well, I just..." Kit sighed and sat up then. "I said I still wanted to be in your life if you'd let me, but if you didn't want that, you... yes, here's where I got stupid, I said you didn't even have to write back and I would understand, so I always just assumed..." Kit shrugged. Ty just furrowed his brows in confusion. "Anyway, I said Clary could probably make Portals for me if I asked her. And I said if it was weird for you, you didn't have to worry because I didn't mind being just a friend to you, as long as it meant we could still be friends." Kit was talking too fast, hoping Ty wouldn't fixate on any of the words he was saying. "And that I hoped you weren't mad at me anymore—"

Nothing got past Ty, of course. "Why would I be mad?"

Kit didn't know exactly how to answer that. He opened his mouth a couple of times before he found his words. "I don't know, you just left and you didn't say goodbye, and you seemed mad. You had your reasons, I guess, and I basically told you in not the best way possible that I didn't want to be your _parabatai_ , and—"

"Okay, first of all, I was never mad. I left like that because I... I don't know, I thought it would be easier for you if I stayed away."

"Okay, that was so long ago, but I don't remember ever implying that, Ty." Kit moved closer to Ty instinctively, his face now just inches from Ty. Ty didn't move. "You said you needed me with you. To get through it all. Well, I needed _you_ just as much. I wanted to be there for you, and you with me."

Ty chuckled quietly. "I thought wrong, then." A pause, then Ty continued. "And second... I'm glad you said no after all. Sure, I didn't know it then, but eventually, I did. You were right..." Ty looked up then, looked, for the first time in so long, into Kit's eyes. "I wouldn't have wanted to have regrets."

Kit brows pushed together. Before Kit could fully consider what he meant, Ty cleared his throat and spoke. "Do you say 'By the Angel' now, too?"

Kit was slow to respond, his mind still processing the sudden change of topic. "I... Yeah, I guess. Sometimes. I still find it kind of weird, so I still catch myself sometimes when I do."

"Hm. Most people get used to it in months. I've met Ascendants who've started using it even before they Ascend."

"Not me."

They sat in silence for a couple more minutes.

"You've changed," said Kit. It didn't sound accusing; it wasn't meant to. It was an honest observation.

Ty recognized that. He shrugged. "I had to. Jules was right. He usually was, but I hoped he wasn't with this one. The Scholomance wasn't easy, especially not for someone like me. I got lucky. I learned. I had to. I blended in. I'm still me but," Ty sighed. "I've learned to hide it. Everything that's different."

Kit watched Ty from the corner of his eye. "I hate that you have to." Ty just shrugged again.

A long silence followed after that, some small talk in between. Ty would point at houses or towers he knew and would say which families or officials lived in them. Kit un turn would point at patterns in the sky and would tell Ty about the constellations he remembered.

"So... Are we good?" Kit asked when he saw Ty begin to gether his headphones and his coat.

Ty smiled at him. "We were never not good."

Kit couldn't help the big smile that was spreading from his face. Couldn't help himself from uttering his next words. "Can I hug you?"

"What?" Ty looked taken aback. Kit cursed himself internally.

"I'm sorry, I just... You don't have to. God, I don't know why I asked, it's just I've hugged everyone else downstairs, and it's been so long, and..."

"Kit," Ty interrupted Kit's rambling, forcing him to stop. Kit stared at him, his breathing fast. "Okay."

"... Okay?"

Ty nodded slowly, his arms lifting slightly.

Ty had barely opened his arms when Kit pushed forward, practically falling into him, rushing his movement before either of them changed their minds. Ty just let Kit hug him, still in his arms. Kit was about to pull back when he felt Ty's hands rise and envelope him as well. Kit choked back tears and rested his forehead against Ty's padded shoulders, deciding to linger a bit longer and stay hereas long as the other would allow. "I've missed you."

Next to him, Ty just smiled. Ty missed him, too, very much. He thought about it more often that he preferred, thought as much so loudly in his mind that he wanted to shout it now, but he didn't. He didn't think it was something that needed to be said, hoped that Kit just knew.

 _I've missed you, too._

 _I still need you._

 _I'm glad you're here now._

 _Please stay._

* * *

I'm so sorry this took so long! I really want to write chapters that can be stand-alones and don't end in cliffhangers, and I've been swamped with work and reviewing for my board exam (TMI but so you know that I've been busy XD but very, very proud and happy to say I passed!) and only got the chance to really finish this now.

Hope you guys like it; and thank you for all the comments, subs and kudos! Keep 'em coming please. I still have a couple of things planned for this fic. I'm just honestly a bit scared to not finish the things I have in mind before QoAaD comes out (because I'm sure that once I know what'll really happen, I won't really feel like continuing a canon-divergent series).

In other news, I have an AU Shadowhunter Chronicles world being built inside my head, so watch out for that?


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